Sometimes I imagine myself having to look again if things between me and Chee Kiang should ever end. Please touch all the wood for me because I would never want that to happen. But shit happens, so I just try to imagine the impossible and its consequences.
Firstly, it would be difficult for me because before I was in a relationship, all I ever knew about relationships was romance and what the movies told me. A hot guy with a sweet nature is all that is needed to sweep you off your feet.
I just don’t know if there is anyone else out there who can firstly be attracted to me. If being attracted wasn’t difficult enough, he would have to put up with the person that I am. Not the one that I parade around for the world to see, but the girl who lives in a messy world (or room), who sometimes speak with so much of oblivion and self righteousness about issues that she doesn’t take to, who is infamous among closest and dearest to her with a mouth as big as Gua Mulu (though I’m working on it ever since I got into ugly situations with friends), who will eventually grow into a typical overbearing chinese parent (money + professional career FTW, nothing else. Passion what passion? Can eat ah?), who can’t take criticism of any kind, who actually doesn’t have much to offer except her self degrading sense of humour. (only she can degrade herself, btw)
I of course think what kind of relationships I would have with the many guy friends in my life. What kind of boyfriend would they be? Again, this is something I never knew when I was a teenager, but it is very, very difficult to find a personality that can match yours. Friends might change to become another person when they become a boyfriend. Not necessarily for the better.
I cannot remember what Chee Kiang was like as a friend. To be honest, what he was as a person back in school is quite a blur to me because as far as I can remember, he was already Boyfriend. So it’s difficult to compare. You ask him lah, for sure he’ll forget what I was like as a friend. I’m the more sentimental one of the two of us anyway, so I’m laying down 20 bucks first. 
If things should ever end between us, I am afraid I might always compare the new ones to him. What if new boyfriends are bad tempered, cold, chauvinistic and pretty much a ladies (who are not his wives) man? I’d be there pining for my old Chee Kiang who never dared to raise his voice at me (though sometimes he does when he gets exasperated when I repeat my questions one too many times. But you know what I mean, I could never imagine having an other half who yelled at me constantly), who wasn’t a big flirt, who never ordered me to do things for him and who was always in a good jovial mode except when he needed to nap.
Could I ever stomach the fights that I never had in my previous relationship? I hate confrontations and I don’t think most guys would take an argument lying down. The both of us have learned of a way to deal with arguments and pretty much don’t hold it against each other and make-up within 24 hours. I hope this will last, I do! In another relationship this could be very different. The fictional boyfriend might fall into a really bad temper that could last for days and I’m the one who is supposed to cajole him and do all the apologizing. I don’t ever want to put myself through constant heartaches in a relationship.
For fear of sounding nauseating, I think that I am really lucky to get it right the first time. What if I have to do it a second, third, fourth and fifth time before I decide, okay, this might be the one? It would be too long a process.
Would I be able to control my jealous nature? At this point in time, Chee Kiang still finds it amusing and is quick to side with me when I start to tear a girl into pieces in my head who flirts with him like she has known him for years. Fucking bitch. *gets a bit angry at the memory* I have moments when I cannot accept female accompany around him though he has known some of the girls for so many years that the thought of anything is ridiculous. Tell you what, let’s blame it on my period for some of those outbursts. But on the whole, as long as he has introduced me to the girls, and we get along like a house on fire, then all is well. I don’t recall ever seeing Chee Kiang jealous though. Only times when I’m having an exposed cleavage or I stick out my chest for friends to read my latest t-shirt, he’ll be like, “Wei!” and puts his hand over to shield it from the adoring public.
Also, when you were younger, financial status was never an issue. But there is always an imbalance. If you get together with too poor a man, it doesn’t mean that you’re a gold digger for resenting him, it is because you foresee his lack of ambition and the possibility that he might live off you. If you get together with too rich a man, statistics show that most of them can afford to have affairs and they have you bounded to them financially. I need to find an equal. So difficult to find an equal you know? (from what I have heard)
Now let’s look at the flip side. How can I let him go back into the sea for fishing women with all the amazing qualities that he has shown to me? I would break into pieces knowing some other lucky girl laughs hard because she knows what is going on when he takes off his glasses. How he would share his super spontaneous story telling skills of imagined scenarios without so much as a pause, filled with things that he thinks are awesome? (international neighbourhood… basically he would love to be in the United Nations, joking about possible scandalous children etc.)
I don’t know if I were to hurt more if he treats his next (NEVER!!) girlfriend just like how he treated me. I would definitely definitely hurt if he did more things for the next girlfriend than he ever did for me. Which girl wouldn’t? It’s something that I really cannot bear to imagine. Some people love to mend a broken heart (good for writing poems and songs and such), but I cannot.
Think further. If he were to marry someone else and not me and go on to build that family we often talk about, how would I feel? If I were to bump into him at some shopping complex with a couple of his kids with those double eyelids and height that I so wanted for my own children, it would probably kill me. If, if, if. So many ifs.
After five years, the possibility of starting over is a daunting process, too tiring, you can’t bear the thought of playing the game again, you just want to keep going closer and closer to the next phase in life.. so should everything end, you would lose what you have worked on so far. The efforts and the time all down the drain. Meaningless years. I hope we will always make it work.
Jayelle was blogging from her toilet bowl again on the 8th of February, 2010
Filed under: Emo, Jolene's theories | 7 Comments! »
Oooh, new updates on The Sticker Monster!!
———-
With my current one week holiday in NUS enjoying the super fast internet connection here, I’ve been putting in a lot of backlogged photos into drafts so yeah, my blog is catching up quite a bit with my life!
The dental dinner was very much anticipated by the first batch of dental students here at AIMST.
Read about the 2008 and 2007 dental dinner here!
It being our last, most of us were having a hard time trying to decide what to wear. For myself, I knew that I needed something long. Of course must be something with a plunging neckline too, hehe. That’s just the way I roll contrary to what my mother thinks. It’s a nice present.
I just wanted opposite of everything that I’ve ever had. No more letting my hair down or even dresses that ends above the knees. I don’t know if I made any fashion boo boos lah, but oh wells, variety in life bla bla bla. Clutch a little bit unavoidable since most clutches looks the same. Sometimes it gets a little bit annoying because formal wear fashion has only so many varieties but still, definitely much better than being a guy.
I did contemplate on treating myself to a mani and padi but Jolene The Nail Artist from 2003 finally emerged from the depths of my many personas and said, “For fucks meh pay so much,” so I decided to do it myself. Since Jolene The Sticker Monster (another one of my many personas) has quite a lot of nail bling blings, I, Jolene The Poor Dental Student (obligatory persona to provide for a better future for my family - current and future. Current because I must maintain poor dental student status so that my dad doesn’t kill me when I tell him that my bank account is high and dry before the month is up and future because dentists usually can put their kids through university) shall make use of this fact. I think most of you might be lost at this point. It’s okay, read again.
Oh before I go on to the pictures, here are full length photos of me from all three years:
2007:
Don’t have full length=( but it ends around the knees, and yes, this is the same dress I wore to the Nuffnang Blog Awards.
2008:
I like my hair the most here.
2009:
Most favourite neckline. Hair, hmm.
Faster say nice!
I think you should look at it again.
This is also a promotional gimmick to get my customers to have faith in Preciosa crystals which is just as shiny, if not more shiny than Swarovski crystals. It’s like an equally good crystal brand lah, that I got duped into selling. I thought I was buying Swarovski. 
But it’s okay, turns out that some customers are quite pro when it comes to crystals and some of them love Preciosa! Yay!
Tiny gold beads usually used in nail art. I’m selling also! RM3.50! Go see this link for my nail bling blings!
Cze-Yin and I went to get our hair done without Lie Yuen because she was at home with one of her many personas too. To name a few, she has Lie Yuen The Self Hair Stylist Persona (whom she was at home with), Lie Yuen The Comic Doodler Persona, Lie Yuen the Otaku persona, Lie Yuen the Dog Lover persona, Lie Yuen the Lomo Crazy Photographer and so on. There are many people living in our house. Multiples of three.
Sorry yeah, I worked quite long on it so must show you again. I stuck each bead on one by one!
Sick of seeing me photographing my nails, Cze-Yin wanted in on it as well.
Wahh..so sparkly! Preciosa crystals FTW!
She didn’t like her curls though and came home to get Lie Yuen to rectify it for her.
Ee Chean and Chwan Horng were there with us getting their hair done as well. We booked the slots a whole month in advance, damn kiasu right?
This is what they were doing before they put everything up. What I wanted was a high bun but they didn’t quite give me that. Don’t know why the bun didn’t hold up well.
Housemates in Lie Yuen’s room with her purple mirror that has been with her since Year 1.
As you can see, her purple mirror is rather portable. She also has very good taste when it comes to decorating.
Outside our house were two handsome boys and one beautiful girl who eventually won best dressed for her exquisite qipao.
Getting a bit emotional. We wanted a picture in our dresses as housemates right outside our house. Something to look back on in the years to come, don’t you think? The rusty gate, the tiny patch of vegetables planted by the next door popo and the brochure-strewn porch, sigh. Only 5 more months now before we say byebye. If I don’t study hard, maybe I will have to stay there alone for another year. Boo.
Designated driver for the night. But Lie Yuen took over after clubbing that night because you know why lah hah.
As Poh Yee was one of the earliest to arrive, with her standing around the reception area, many people taught that it was a wedding and that they were at the wrong place!
L-r: Poh Yee in her white gown, Pei Zhi, Brenda, Xin Yi, Myself, Sock Nee, Cze-Yin, Narjit, Lie Yuen and Angela.
Brenda in a black halter dress that swept the floor together with me.
L-r: Chwan Horng, Ee Chean, Chee Wen and Joe. I’m not sure if Joe was nominated, but Chee Wen took home best dressed for that night. I know everyone was in a suit *rolls eyes* but Chee Wen’s one had a really good cut!
Poh Yee and Cze-Yin posing together since they both wore white.
Poh Yee with the beige Zhu Zen.
As you can see, we could not stop taking photos. Pretty soon I am going to run out of captions already.
L-r: Magesh, Praveena and Bala. The two boys have rather good taste when it comes to clothings! I think they should have been nominated for Best Dressed Male.
L-r: Samuel, Charis, Ghayatri, Myself.
I love Charis’ dress!! All that bling bling on the boobs! <3 Classy!
Batch 1 girls SS-ing again. Different angles mah, sorry la.
We wanted to take colour coded photos but I think we got distracted half way. So here are a few anyway.
With Professor Comfort and Dr. Robinson, who have been with us through thick and thin since the beginning of the BDS course!
Chwan Horng ambil kesempatan.
L-r: Charis, Shing Hui, Gillian (who was nominated for Best Dressed Female), Ei Leng, Gabriel, Phebe and …um, someone help me! Sorry I forgot your name..:((( though I see you in the locker room everyday :((((((((((
I love Phebe’s dress!! It is so different!
Myself and the handsome CY!
Ahhh…my two lovely juniors Sabrina and Gerviene who made the exam season more bearable by responding to my crap on facebook. Thanks babes! <3
L-r: Aimee, Sabrina, Myself and Gerviene. Had to have one with the reception counter!
I thought the Batch 3 boys looked rather dashing so I positioned myself right in the middle.
L-r: Navin, Phillip, Kenneth, Me, Aik Munn, Chew Weng (whom I always mix up with Wah Seng) and Chin Kai. Chin Kai was the emcee for that night and I think he did a fantastic job playing the Ah Beng stereotype. It’s not like he overdid it, you can see that plenty of his own personality was up there on stage with him!
One of the few solo photos of myself. It was a sad night for me as my second SD card fucked up on me. It made weird lines across the photos, with grey areas etc etc. Some photos were lost and some of the more kooky ones were the affected ones. So much sadness in this world.
One more with the entire reception area.
Just realized that Pei Zhi and I have similar clutches. Eh actually almost all of us had white-silver clutches! LOL. Batch 1 dentistry girls and their similar tastes, tsk tsk.
Josiah and myself.
Xin Yi was nominated for Best Dressed Female too! Love the slightly bondage style but in such a happy colour.
Jamie and Brenda - The GIrls in Black.
I love Sock Nee’s choice! The blue really stands out and also adds to the many colours when we stand together. Thank you for bringing a piece of rainbow to our class photos, Sock Nee.:)
Zhu Zen and myself. Who was the photographer? So lousy wan!
A few of the girls with Dr. Niekla (in black) and her daughter (in white).
Nien and I before entering the hall. Nien bought her toga dress from UK when she was there for her year end holidays! You have to touch the material.. so beautifully thick!
Props to Ei Leng for her gorgeous style. Firstly, love the design as it really shows off her curves, love the colour and the fascinator? WIN! Why? The black dots were garnished with blings from The Sticker Monster. <3 Totally adds to the glamour.
It’s people like Sock Nee and Ei Leng who brighten up an otherwise sea of blacks. Not that most of the girl wore blacks, but dare to go against convention!
See how awesome Sock Nee’s blue goes with Gerviene’s red as well?
One with Gerviene.
Batch 2 girls posing and I pull a paparazzi at the side. Don’t you just adore Carmen’s dress? (far left) I have one of her posing for me but as fate would have it, it HAD to be one of the spoiled photos. BAH.
L-r: Me, Narjit, Janice, Kaixuan.
Myself and my other damn funny junior, Jennifer! I thought your outfit was so Princess Jasmine. The slinky cloth, the hair, the make-up, the bustier (?), the sash, the works! And apparently people said I looked like The Queen as my choice of outfit was rather regal. So…we were royalties that night!
The folks at my table. For three years in a row now.
Up l-r: Cze-Yin, Nien, Ah Thong, Myself, Ee Chean
Bottom l-r: Brenda, Poh Yee, Lie Yuen, Zhu Zen, Chwan Horng.
Half the class with our beloved dean, Prof. Smales.
The other table.
top l-r: Xin Yi, Pei Zhi, Zhu Zen, Brenda, Lie Yuen, Pih Yee, Nien, Sock Nee, Myself
bottom l-r: Angela, Sett, Joe, Maxis, Chwan Horng (why close eyes!), Ah Thong and Jimmy.
All of us were fussing over Dr. Brindha and Dr. Karthik’s baby boy, Darshan! And don’t you just love Dr. Brindha’s blue sari??? I could lose myself staring forever into this shade of blue.
L-r: Brenda, Nien, Dr. Karthik, Narjit with Darshan, Dr. Brindha, Cze-Yin and Jamie.
So so so so so cute!!!!!! He has so much wisdom in his little baby face.
So the opening act was by a bunch of hot chicks from Batch 5. I don’t know their names. I hardly know anybody from Batch 5. It is always the case for any Year 1 dental student.
Playing with Sett’s brother-in-law’s DSLR.
The VIP table looks on intently.
The hot chicks at my table.
Like how they say it in the magazines and newspapers when they photograph celebrities and politicians: Jolene and Nien share a light moment.
The dinner was also to introduce the new AIMST Dental Students’ Association Committee 09/10. I’m finally done with secretarial work. *dusts hands*
The committee strikes a post for the camera.
Oh cute little ballot holders for the Dental King and Queen and best dressed candidates.
Deniece wows the entire school with her sizzling belly dance moves. She jiggles in sections!! Too amazing.
Myself and Janice.
Steven and I! Steven’s one of the few international students we have in dentistry. He is from Seychelles Island! So cool right! He was telling me that the people in his country speak French.
This is our other international student, Nadia who is from Kenya and is now in the third batch! I think we have another one or two international students. There’s even one international student from China in the first year.
This is Ke Ke, my Batch 4 junior.
Yii Ping is one of the few girls on campus who can work the electric guitar.
The three person band doing their thang.
SEI KAM MOU. Here’s Jimmy practicing his skills with a DSLR. He would soon get a DSLR a week after dental dinner.
The clever system they derived for the voting process. Each label comes with a slit, so you pretty much can understand, I don’t have to come up with words to describe the process.
Melvin the ADSA president squatting and digging some food from his buccal sulcus with his tongue. Hehehe. This photo made many laugh on Facebook.
The ever hyper Batch 4 girls did a dance that brought many of us back to the 90s, early noughties. N’Sync’s Bye Bye Bye and Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time to name a few.
Old ladies like me appreciate songs from the 90s.
Dr. Niekla belts out Whitney Houston’s The Greatest Love Of All. Dr. Niekla can SING! Not only is she a brilliant pediatric dentist, she had an album and everything when she was in high school and quit the singing business to pursue her dentistry studies. My lecturer was a pop star back in Indonesia!! I can’t get over it, it’s just too awesome.
It has been a tradition for the Batch 1 to put up a video and this year, Jimmy came up with the idea to make a parody of this funny Thai commercial about exaggeration over the simplest things.
Here’s the video:
Ah Thong laughs at himself on the screen. I’m getting some Oscar/Golden Globes vibes here. Heh, like they are all dressed to the nines like how they are in the awards as they watch snippets of their award winning performances.
After the video was the part where a couple of students from each batch were sent up on stage to compete for the Dental King and Dental Queen title. The winner was Khim Yik from Batch 3 and Stephanie who is from Batch 2! This is Khim Yik’s second win! He first won the title when he was in Year 1!
The two reps from my class are Narjit and Joe.
This is Khim Yik!
This is Xin Le and Shanmugam from Batch 4. The couples were asked to act out a situation on the spot and I think these two did quite a good job!
A dance by Batch 2!
Batch 2’s drama was damn cute lah. The red cloth is the gingiva and those white stuff are of course teeth. It’s a story about a few teeth in the mouth of a boy. Whoever who was doing the voiceover (I think Carmen was one of them) did such an amazing job!
Then you have the bad guys, who are none other than evil S. Mutans. Streptococcus Mutans is the commonest bacteria which contributes to tooth decay, so of course all the dental students roared with laughter. So geeky of us! 
Myself and Melvin while I was on the way to the toilet.
Wouldn’t be able to forgive myself I didn’t get one with the mirror.
Sigh, the sadness starts here. I have a few nice pictures on my own with awesome poses on the stairs, at the table etc. But it was all damaged by some stupid fucked up glitch with my SD card. I have digital camera phobia now. I never want to lose photos again, ever. And it had to happen with the pictures of my last dental dinner ever.
At least this one is still here. I’m going to have to ask you to excuse the chunk of an arm.
Crowning Dr. George as the best dressed lecturer.
And for the last time….Zephyr.
Zephyr is a band formed by my classmates and in their heydays (a time when they were less occupied with clinics and the likes) they actually played in places like Halo Cafe and were quite well known around campus.
If our schedule doesn’t free up and what with us finishing the course soon, this was their last performance.
Ah Thong and me! His tie quite different right!
Carmen and myself! Carmen was Chee Kiang’s senior (by one semester only) at IMU when he was there doing pharmacy for 6 months. And then she too left IMU to become my junior here. Hehe. Another transferred coursemate of Chee Kiang’s is Philip who used to be Chee Kiang’s junior when they did A-levels together in Singapore. He then pursued dentistry here as my Batch 3 junior.
Soo Huan, who won best dressed with her beautiful qipao.
l-r: Vivian, Me, Zhu Zen, Poh yee, Kaixuan, Soo Huan and Sylvia.
Brenda and I with Dr. Sonu, our pediatric dentistry lecturer.
Yii Ping and I. She’s got such a gorgeous smile!
Zephyr’s adoring fans.
Chwan Horng and I.
Narjit and me.
Oooh sexiness. (not me lah)
l-r: Deniece, Jeanette, Me
San leong.
Jamie and Me. Nice lace!!
Me and my darling housemate! Nice right the swirly thing she did to her eyes?
A more decent one of Lie Yuen and I.
By far the sweetest couple in BDS (the rest also very sweet..but the guys must take a leaf out of David’s book okay!) This is Kimra and David who have been together since their first year. They are now in third year already. Like most couples here in dentistry, they are always together. A particular sweet moment was during the futsal ADSALympics event. Someone kicked the ball and it hit Kimra on the head with a loud smack. David left the court and immediately rushed to her side and rubbed her head. SO SWEET RIGHT. It was by far the most exciting part of the game for me. *guy sports bore me*
Eh, another photo with Bala and Praveena!
Wilander and me!
Wah Seng and me!
Wah smexxy Peta and me. So onz your dress! I love it!
Oooh, this was a spoilt photo as well. But luckily the important parts of the photo was still good. So here it is, looking like some sidebar image link! Jacqueline and I were excited that we both had bling bling eyelashes.
The sides of myself and Jacqueline.
L-r: Encik Mansor, Encik Yahya, Myself, Lishen and Encik Abdullah. They are our dental technology lecturers.
Ei Leng and her gorgeous fascinator again! Courtesy of The Sticker Monster! (tak habis-habis promoting) ;P
L-r: Jeeva, Venga and me.
Sett and me. What’s with the thumbs up?
Jimmy and Brenda. I had one with Jimmy too but it was one of the spoilt photos, sigh.
I like this one of Andy and Lie Yuen!
And this one of Poh Yee with our guy classmates!! Regret that I didn’t have one like that!!! Why didn’t I think of it!
Before everyone made their way home, we tried to gather all the classmates for a photo together. However, Cze-Yin and Andy were missing from the photo.
So I made this! Jimmy and I have an on-going bet that anyone who can make the most realistic complete class photo will be able to laugh at the loser who will have to eat a ball of ZOE. (ZOE is the material used to fill the tooth temporarily and the material is dough-like) I’m still procrastinating my entry as he did a pretty damn good job. LOL. Let him wait lah till he forgets about it.
Room service!
Was driving out of the carpark when I saw Jimmy lying on the stairs. Somehow he looks like a dwarf with the optical illusion.
After the dental dinner and it being our last, many of us made our way over to Mois. It was fun because people from different batches came along. The crowd was huge! About a quarter of the club were taken up by dentistry students and some of us called our friends from other courses along. So basically Mois was filled with AIMST students that night.
Sock Nee looking so adorable here.
A few drinks before everybody warmed up.
Me and my sweaty face and my chewing gum.
If you think Chee Wen looks red here, this is nothing.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY CAMWHORING SKILLS!
This looks like a really nice movie poster. With Bala smiling in orange and Sett smiling knowingly at him! It’s another one of my distorted photos.
A clearer one of the two of them.
The girls looking happy.
Wah Adrian is SO feeling it.
L-r: Adrian (needs a tissue!), Aimee and Aik Munn.
l-r: Stephanie, Charis and CY.
SCARY RIGHT!! It’s like he used red paint on his face.
Poh Yee and her bling bling dress.
Andy declines a drink.
l-r: Pei Zhi, Xin Yi and Poh Yee.
Here’s a clearer view of Poh Yee’s super bling red dress.
Whatever is in the jar looks kind of gross. It’s not a mixture of puke, don’t worry. 
Like every other outing to Mois, we ended at the night at the nearby mamak.
Jayelle was blogging from her toilet bowl again on the 7th of February, 2010
Filed under: 56k killer, Dentistry, Ngam ngam cham cham, eat shit sleep, events | 2 Comments! »
