Will Be Missing In Action

To those of you who don’t already know, I’ll be moving into a terrace house with Lie Yuen and Lishen. Away from this godforsaken hostel where the stupid security guard will come and drop in on us and shoo out any boys in the premises. Not like there are many who drop by, but we throw the occasional class party and that sucks when the stupid security guard comes around.

Besides, it’s much cheaper. Rm450 for the entire house. I was paying RM500 for a lousy room which includes food and transport. Food I hate, and transport with bad schedules.

I’ll be terminating my internet tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t be too long before they transfer the streamyx and phone line over. Maybe in a week’s time?:(

Cleaning the house over two days proved to be so bloody tiring. But it was fun, playing with water and all. Officiating the house by shitting in the toilets. Without tissue paper. Having to wait for the housemates to bring home some tissue. Sigh. How the fun.

According to a classmate of mine, the house was previously occupied by other students. It was in such a dirty condition that the owner kicked them out. Oh my god, I sure hope that we can maintain it as it is. We’ve made it sparkly clean. We’ve got the backaches to prove.

We went furniture shopping today. My credit card went over it’s limit. :~(


We’re very serious.


Before this we could even wear our slippers into the house.


Jolene Lai Of The Spider Webs Destroyer Clan.


Our act-shy water sweeper.


Cleaning floor can prove to be fun, like I said.


Detergent addict!


Hahahha..we were having so much fun blowing bubbles from floor detergent.


May the forces of the cleaners conjoin and clean them alllll!! wahahhahaha.


Don’t you just love it when you have achieved something you have never achieved in your life? I cleaned an entire house with Lie Yuen, Li Shen and Yan Rui.


Lie Yuen has the same thoughts.


Life is great.


The ants know what’s best for them. When we move in, they’d better move out.


The wonders of self timers and a clean floor.

By the way! I’m only two hundred unique hits away from achieving a hundred thousand unique hits since May 2005! Unfortunately, I’ll still be busy shifting things tomorrow and won’t be able to witness the magical moment. So if you’re the 100,000th unique hitter, leave a tag! 🙂 It’ll be nice to know. It’ll take only less than half a day to achieve that amount. Can’t wait!!

I Would Like To Be A Substitute Teacher

It seems like it is a trend for people my age to take up teaching while waiting for their results before university. Or do most people do that?

I hate to admit it, but I actually had a day dream about myself teaching a bunch of lower secondary school kids at my old school. Hehehe. I can just imagine what kind of teacher I will be.

It is common knowledge that substitute teachers have been reduced to tears(I should know better, we made one cry once.)

It’s like a relativity theory: The lamer the substitute teacher, the meaner the students.

Back in form4, we had a PE teacher who was a trainee teacher. She was soft spoken and oh-so-saccharinely-sweet. *rubs hands with glee*. Wahahahaha. Obviously, for two consecutive weeks, we ignored her requests for us to get to the field.

She called her friend who was also a trainee and she came to sound us. We were all in the field at that time. My class (4 Damai/Zeta) and Liss/Chien/Abby/Amanda/MinDee’s class(4 Cekap/Omega) were standing around waiting to (ugh) play ball.

The fiercer trainee teacher shouted at us, “KAmu SemUa Ah Tak HorMat CiKGu PuNya KAh?!”(imagine it in a super duper chinese ed tone) “KaMU NamPak CikGu You MaCam DiAm DiaM SaJa, TaPi KamU SemUA Tak TaHu HatI CikGu SaKiT PunYA!”

We were not used to our “cikgus” speaking to us in BM. Majority of us were chinese, obviously use English la. We had a good giggle about her super duper chinese ed tone and we got in deeper trouble.

“KEtAwA ApA?? CiKgu TahU BM ciKGu TaK bAiK, TetAPI CiKGU TeTAP CUbA! KenApA KAmu TaK bOlEh CubA?” (Cuba What lah?!)

We were like being blasted for nothing. Honestly, the situation was not THAT serious. PE is usually a free period. It’s a well known fact. Live with it. We were all pretty peeved already and didn’t know why we were getting such a bad shelling for.

The saccharine sweet trainee teacher just looked at the ground and would glance up at us every now and then.

Then being the wax princess that she is, Amanda piped up, “Why are you scolding us so badly for?? It’s really hot out here.”

“KAMU ADA APA APA MAHU CAKAP YOU MARI KE HADAPAN AH! JANGAN KURANG AJAR AH!” said the fierce trainee teacher.

So Amanda strode to the front and stood next to the teacher. She continued talking in perfect English, “I don’t see why you are scolding like that, it’s not like it’s a subject for SPM. Plus we’re already down here. Can’t you let it go? I admit, we are wrong to ignore her. But we’ve learnt our lesson. We even listened to her today!”

Then Min Dee being Min Dee had to tumpang glamour and she also bisinged and said, “Yalah! Teacher, very hot lah!” (or something along the context).

“YOU!! MARI KE HADAPAN!!”

I thought I saw a flicker of smile played across Min Dee’s face. YAy! The two pro-bitches(I mean it in a good way) were standing up for us!

And so they reasoned. All the time standing next to the teacher and facing the rest of the class. Hahahahaha. The teacher was listening intently. I bet that was her first teacher to student interaction.

“Oklah! Cikgu pun tahu Cikgu ada salah punya! Saya harap kamu semua boleh maaf cikgu ya, cikgu tak mahu menyakitkan hati you semua punyA!”, she said.

“MAri Kita semua berkawan sekali lagi Okay?!” said the trainee and she ACTUALLY PUT HER HAND OUT, PALM FACING DOWN.

All of us were stunned and were not sure what to do. The last time we had our hands like that was when we were playing Lat Ta Li Lat Ta Li Tam Pong nearly 10 years ago.

She wanted us to put our hands ON TOP of hers.. as a sign of friendship.

That time the *swt* emoticon was not popular, but that would’ve been a PERFECT moment for the *swt* emoticon. So we put our hands on top of her’s gingerly, then the trainee teacher said, “So, kawan?!” and the girls from both the classes had to like raise our hands together and lower it together and shout, “YEA!!!”.

*shivers at the memory*

I know it’s sweet and all, but it’s so silly how she overreacted and then calmed down and got all so mushy within the 45 minutes PE period. Ho ho ho. We could not wait to share our ‘experience’ with the guys. Hahaha.

Yeah, moral of the story, subs will never have it easy.

But I think I would still want to be a substitute teacher! Maybe I will teach English, Moral, Maths, Science, Art or..hahahha PE.

I’m thinking of applying for a position during my year 2 year end holidays as I will be working as a dental nurse with my orthodontist for this year’s holidays. Yayy! Apparently he pays pretty well!

Just imagine, my former teachers and I will be colleagues! We’ll be buddies! Yeaaa! I might even get to attend a few club meetings as a sub teacher. Maybe they’ll make me the Interact Club’s Sub teacher advisor. ME, Teacher advisor. What about that!! Hahahahha. I’m sure Pn. Rajes can arrange something for me. 😉 Hehe.

I can just picture it, I even know what I am going to wear on my first day as a trainee teacher. LOL. It’s usually the case, a new young trainee teacher in the school compounds and EVERYBODY wants to know who’s that.

I will stride into my designated classroom purposefully and put my record book onto the teacher’s table(!!!) and glance cooly at the class. I will only respond when they have stood up from their chairs and chorused, “SELAMAT SEJAHTERA CIKGU!”

Then I will smile warmly. I’m assuming that I’ve been given a job as a substitute english teacher. “Good morning class! I am taking over Puan So-and-so’s class for a couple of weeks.”

Then I will proceed to scribble my name on the blackboard like all new teachers do.

“M…I….s…s…..L…A…I…..”.

As I dust my hands, I smile brightly at the class. “You may call me Miss Lai or teacher if you like.”

And as all trainee teachers pray so very hard for, I hope that the kids would not be of much trouble. 

One of the worst situations would probably be the extremely cocky school boys who sit at the back of the class. By then, I would probably have built quite a good reputation with the rest of the class with my friendly persona.

I would raise my wooden meter rule, and wink at the class and motion to them to close their ears as this will get really nasty.

I will stride towards their tables and THWACK!!!!TWACKK!!!THWACKK!! at the wooden table and say cooly, “I. don’t. like. it. when. people. do. not. listen. to. me. when. I. talk! I am going to demerit 10 points of each of the five of you.” I know how annoying it can get when stupid fucked up teachers spoil our ear drums by slamming the wooden meter rule on the table to silence the class.

Yea yea, the walls of the boys’ toilet will probably have something like, “MISS LAI CIBAI BUSUK MUKA PUN MACAM CIBAI,” scrawled on it.

But not every experience as a substitute teacher is a nightmare. 🙂

I think being a FEMALE substitute teacher is an advantage. Once, we had a male substitute teacher back in form2 who looked like he just graduated from form5. He had slicked back hair and he carried a BACKPACK. It just spelt loser.
Obviously we kacau-ed him kau kau lah!

Amanda even created a song for him. I think his name was Mr. Leong. Something about, “Oh Mr. Leong, you’re so fine, How I wish I could make you mine” or something like that. But I know she sang the Pretty Boy song to him. HAhahahahaha. So funny. He thought her maths.

But as a substitute teacher in your own school, it’s so much more fun! Li Shen was teaching civics in school last year. HAHAHAHAHAH. Esther’s brother was her student. He refers to her as Miss Wong. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.

But imagine all the fun things I can share with my students! I know students always love it when we ramble on and on about our experiences. On the exception of the infamous biology teacher who used to ramble on about how she was always pursued after back in university etc etc. It’s a known fact that she never manages to finish the syllables every year. Thank god for tuition.

I’d tell the students about how we called block F Pulau Ketam when it was still under construction. And how the choir speaking team would practice there and how we got so bored during practices that we actually played volleyball IN the classroom. And how the florescent lamp came crashing down(all of us were squatting down, with our hands at the back of our heads) and how the fan was hanging by a wire when the volleyball went too high.

If Mr.Ang is still around, we’d have a good giggle about him and his chalk-stained butt(he always rubs his hands on the back of his pants) and I’m not sure if he still is but he has been the dicipline teacher for quite a long time now. I’d share the stories about how we’d scurry away into our respective classes when someone would run around the compound screaming, “ANG!! ANG!!!!”. Like some kind of fire alarm system going on. Hehe. It was probably the last day of form2 and we had water balloons which were illegal. It was a Subang Utama tradition to throw water balloons/play water on special occasions such as last day of school/birthdays/or if you just feel like wetting the person. We’d feel our bottles up with water and just shake it at poor hapless souls. So immature, but fun!

I think I can admit it now. IT IS I, JOLENE LAI, WHO THREW THE WATER BALLOON IN 2 AZAM. Yea!! That’s for studying so hard!! NE NE NI BU BU! Hehehe. It was a tedious 6 years trying to keep that secret to myself.

I’d also tell the students about my infamous bra vibrating story. Then probably the entire bunch of form3 girls(once again I’m assuming that I’m teaching form3s) would learn of a ‘new’ secret hiding place for their handphones during spotchecks.

I’d regale stories about how glamourous standing in the volleyball court was with all three blocks surrounding the court. Bored students would watch over you and you felt like you were on a stage. We called it the stage of SMKSU. Actually I didn’t. Dennis they all did. But it’s true, it was damn glamorous, that volleyball court. 🙂

I’d share with them the unspoken rules among the cliques of Subang Utama from 1999-2003. It might be the same, but it’s nice to tell a story or two sometimes eh! About how certain areas of the school/canteen are designated for a certain clique, which teachers are the best to bully etc.

If the kids are into Leo Club and Interact Club politics, all the better! I’d tell them about how it is a tradition for the Leo IU directors to cry at their IU(always got problem, kesian), the late nights for the Valentine’s Day project, the termination of IUs and Installs from being held in hotels because some kid checked into a hotel with a girl, the drama-mama of election days etc.

I’d also share with them all the taboo stories!…..*sigh*. Actually I was just typing out all the juicy famous sex-related stories that happened back in school. But I’m not going to go into details because after all it is still my school. 🙁 *delete, delete, delete*. Just so you know, one of the cases resulted in the termination of Valentine’s Day in my school.

All in all, I think it would be very fun. However, I’d probably get fired from being too frank and for sharing too much with the students.

Sometimes You Need To Talk To Yourself

You know, I had a dream the other day.

It has to be the overdose of Geisha books that I’ve been indulging in(am currently reading Geisha, A Life by Mineko Iwasaki) or else I would not ever ever have had such a dream.

I dreamt that I was a geisha. Yup. Go ahead and laugh.

Or rather auditioning for some geisha position of sorts I don’t know. There were this bunch of business men in suits directing a whole line of geishas and they were pointing at us and sort of picking the geishas of their choices or rather directing the geishas to move here and there for I don’t know what.

Then after awhile, there was only me and another petite geisha left in line. A conceited business man looked at us and spoke to his assistant.

“OKAY! Ask that girl over there(he points at the petite geisha) and that refrigerator to come over here.”

He was pointing at me when he said refrigerator.

I felt SO fat and hurt in my dream. Hahahaha. Oh my god. And NO, I do not have some secret fetish to be a geisha..Nononononono.. What a stupid idea.. haha..

~*

Sometimes it sucks that I do not have a car here. However, it would not be practical especially when I go back for the holidays. Sigh. But it really sucks when you have to almost beg for rides from friends to do simple tasks like buying groceries and doing things like going to Telekom to settle some issues and etc.

And especially when everybody has their own dinner at home and some others have gone out with other friends and a few sweep happiness(translate to cantonese) ones want to go eat yucky stuff at the cafeteria. Which happens pretty often.

I looked into the bag of food my mother packed for me when I came back to Kedah. Ahah! Instant Nissin Noodles. At least something with soup and a bit of veggie. Even if the veggie is preserved.

🙁 Maybe I’ll go to the cafeteria after all.

I really miss home cooked food. The closest I can get to it is going to the nearby coffeeshops and without a car, I can’t do much. Walking takes 25 minutes. Cycling takes about 15 minutes. Maybe I should get a bicycle? Sigh and don’t forget, Sungai Petani is notorious for rapist, murderers and reckless drivers.

No, I’m not going to ask for a car because it’s not practical and furthermore I’m consuming so much for my education as it is. What do three people who live in a house and attend the same classes need three cars for? But they do not want me to pay for the petrol because then they’d feel indebted to fetch me around.

SIGH. I’m making a barter system with them. I will foot the internet bills every month as I hitch rides of them everyday.

~*

I just want to come home. If it wasn’t for the internet, I would be miserable. There’re not enough friends here. I only know 42 people here. Oh, if you want to count a few lecturers in, that’s fine.

THERE’S NO LIFE HERE. Kedah feels like a different era compared to home. It feels like a…..a…a..different..TIME ZONE. Argh. I’m serious. If it wasn’t for classes, there is NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING to do here.

~*

You know why home is SO happening? Even though most of my closest and dearest are away.. but at least I have fun things to do like attend Amanda’s(Tan) dog, Goldie’s birthday party!! She even asked me to bring Angel along. LOL.

manda says:
omg! u know what joleeennne

manda says:
i found this like doggie chef caterer thingy

manda says:
they make like the CUTEST muffins cookies brownies cakes for dogs!

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA…

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
hahahahahhaha…how much????

manda says:
oooh they’ve got party packages too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA

manda says:
oh the cake is SLIGHTLY lighter than 1kg

manda says:
45bucks

manda says:
so expensive…

manda says:
everyone seems to think it’s amusing ive hosting a bday party for my dog : ( but they all celebrate it every year! with party hats and all..

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
how old are they this year?

manda says:
everyone seems to think it’s amusing ive hosting a bday party for my dog     :( but they all celebrate it every year! with party hats and all..

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
how old are they this year?

manda says:
ohh that one the monsters, they turned 1 last dec

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
hahaha..

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
icic..

manda says:
this one’s goldie, their mother, who’s turning 8 this weekend XD

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHA.wow that’s old

manda says:
yeah she is!
mmm if you bring angel i promise i’ll get her a party pack! XD

Miss Lai, you are so happy that Poh Yee has streamyx. Please play webcam with her. says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAH

manda says:
whyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   dont la laugh its a bday party ok

Nutty woman.

I want to come home to attend birthday parties….Justin’s one and Goldie’s one. SIGH SIGH SIGH. Come home to be with everybody that I love.

The Budak Bandar Spends A Weekend In A Penang Kampung

I thought it’d be fun to follow Lie Yuen to her grandma’s kampung in Pematang Pauh for the weekend for some excitement. Yes, anything but spending a weekend in Kedah. Unless there’s an exam to study for during the weekend, weekends in Kedah will just suck the soul out of you.

Lie Yuen’s grandma’s house is situated in a kampung-ish area right next to a padi field and there are loads of chickens around! Imagine my jakun-ness.


Her grandma runs a small business selling really retro candies and tidbits to the neighbourhood children.


Anybody remember these bubble gums? I used to buy them for 10cents each from the ice-cream man outside my primary school. If you’re lucky, there might be a tattoo inside!


Lie Yuen’s grandma traps a chicken every now and then to be sold off to the friendly neighbourhood chicken chopper.


Hear the chicken clucking as it runs around. Love em’ authentic chicken clucks.


I love em fried. But then again it’s not often I see so many chickens in one place! Do forgive me!


Lie Yuen trying to act like a Heong Ha Mui(Village Girl)


I have not climbed a tree since 1996. Back in the days when I attended taekwando classes in primary school, I’d spend some time climbing the trees in the school compound with my brother(who was in standard one) before my mum came to fetch us. I’m older now, Can’t climb so high. Don’t want to break my head for nothing, do I? Maybe next time I’ll climb higher:)


There’s an old well outside Lie Yuen’s grandma’s house. Lie Yuen said that she and her cousins once tied a rafia string and see how deep it was…and once, a cat jumped in and died. 🙁


Lie Yuen was kind enough to belanja me some good ol’ authentic ice-cream man ice cream! Hehe.


MMmmmm…. nothing beats slurping a 40 cents ice-cream cone on a hot day like this.


Her grandma kept feeding us almost every other hour. Thank god I was only there for the weekend or else I’d have to go bulimic. Red Bean Soup! Chilled! Mmm!


After watching There’s Something About Mary(I know, I know, 8 years later, yea.) on Lie Yuen’s laptop and a 45 minute afternoon nap, we decided to take a stroll around the neighbourhood.


What do you know? Even lalangs are nice to photograph!


God Of The Padi Field?


Would you look at that! Wild sugarcanes!


A nice wooden bench under a nice wooden hut. So kampung-ey!


Wohoo.. that’s a dilapidated zinc and wooden house. This is the chinese version of a ghetto. Not all the houses there look like this one, like Lie Yuen’s grandma’s place is a proper concrete house.


Stray dogs almost everywhere.. and very friendly little buggers too! They come to see what you’re having for dinner as well!


We ventured further to check out the padi fields. Apparently there’s a drought going on now. I suppose it is a nice place to come to clear your head abit. Not so much the fresh air, but the vastness of the land.


Looking for fishies in vain..


I thought this one made a nice photo composition while I was bending down looking into the drain.


Oooh! Rustic living!


A BALSAM PLANT!! I’ve not seen this in ages ever since I grew it excessively in my backyard about 10 years ago due to an obsession with “pokok keembung” and its reproductive mechanism(the seeds burst out to spread far and wide) as was stated in my standard five science books!


Every once in awhile, it’s nice to get a macro shot of a pretty flower along the way.


The evening sun had a pretty good lighting effect for a new style of camwhoring: Shadows!


How often can you come to such dense greeneries to just lay back and chill?


The tarzan like vines that cascade down from the higher branches.


Oh look at that!! We actually found bamboos.


An oriental feel to the quiet Pematang Pauh village.


There was a hut nearby and apparently it was once a gambling den where old men gathered and ate dog meat together.


Ooof.. really really kampung. I like!!


Now this is something that I’ve always wanted, a hand made swing in my courtyard. I think the swing is meant to be for two people. So nice!


The swing hangs from a wax apple(Jambu air) tree. An old Indian uncle asked us to use the galah to take some to eat. We declined politely but it’s nice to know that people around here are so friendly!


My turn! My turn!


One of the bigger drains that runs alongside the padi field. There were fishes jumping up and down and they looked like Ikan Tenggiri. I don’t know, maybe I’m just too Bandar(city) to know.


Fluffy dandylions with a ladybird.


Heyyy!! Pink flowers growing wild!


Lie Yuen and her posies..!


Sometimes beauty can be found in the simplest of things. Don’t you agree?


Who would’ve thought these corn-like weeds can be so fun? You know, if you put these pink flower-weeds and corn-like weeds in a tall slim vase, it would actually look nice. A one of a kind ornament, don’t you think?


Morning glory. Lie Yuen’s grandmother uses this to make natural colouring for her cakes and pastries.


A view of the padi field at dusk.


See how our shadows stretch across the padi field?


These pink flower lalangs look best when the setting sun casts an orange flow upon it.


A lone centipede crawls along.


Of all the places to camwhore…but then again, I do strange things.


I think this mutt’s pretty cute even though it looks disease ridden and has patches of hair missing.


A nice array of homecook food to end our evening walk. Have not had a home cooked meal in ages. 🙁


*sigh*


Even chickens know how to visit their fallen friends.


So many chickens!


A lone moth amidst the dried leaves on the ground.

Once in awhile it is nice to take a stroll around an old quiet neighbourhood. At least something different from the internet and books and books of anatomy, physiology, biochemistry and dentistry. Bleh.