The Many Photos From My Cousin Hong Fei’s Wedding

Sure lah must have alot alot of photos.. my first MARRIED cousin wor.(I’m working on the rest….they don’t call me a miniature “kepo aunty” for nothing.). But my cousin-in-law and my cousin are practically married already…since they’ve been together from 2000. They were even classmates in Catholic High School, how about that?

Sorry ah if you’re on dial-up. 


If you want to call me ugly here.. CAN… because this one is done on purpose. 🙂


My Singapore cousin sister, Abby, came for the wedding. I brought her out to yamcha with my friends. Ahahahha. She’s only 10. Imagine the things we talked about. Now, somewhere in Singapore, a bunch of 10 year old girls will need to have their brains washed to be pure again. Sigh.
l-r: Daryl, Gaya, Abby, Chee Kiang(he is doing a peace sign, not poking his lips)


My other mafia family members came along. All black colour one.
l-r: Justin, Mervyn, Ted(cousin’s bf), Jacqueline, Derek, Daryl


Yup, you guessed it. I’m a wanna-be
Kid Chan. But It’s quite nice, don’t you think?


My other cousin(brother of the groom)’s girlfriend, Samantha, signing the guestbook.


This is Samantha! She’s a MAS stewardess and she was entertaining me with various stories of fussy passengers. There was one about a woman trying to open the aeroplane door…while the plane was flying.


My Aunty Jenny(3rd from left)’s legion of sisters. I don’t know their names…sorry. But don’t they all look alike?


=) Beautiful arrangement. That’s what happens at the wedding of a senior art director.


Interesting rose-carnation display at the marriage registration table.


Another kid-chan wanna-be shot.


l-r: Me and Jacqie.


Here comes the bride!


The minister kept me and my cousins cracking up. He cannot pronounce “bless”. So it’s always, “May God Breast You,”. It went on for so many times.. And when he did the “Will you [mrs. name] take [name] as your lawfully wedded husband?”, he said the wrong name. My cousin-in-law’s name is Kwee Fong. And he was like, “Diana..”.

O-kay. Better the minister who slips up than the groom, I always say.


L-r: Derek, Me, Jacqie, Ted.


And they are married!! At long last.


Abit dark…but you get the picture.


L-r: cousin Hong Weng, Samantha, Mervyn, Me, Derek, Jacqie, Ted


My Uncle make spoil…


A better one.


A mini fraction of the gargantuan Ho family. There are like 130 members in total if you count the Malaccans, KLites, Singaporeans, Americans, Australians, British, Hongkees and Chinese nationals. What to do, who ask my great grand father to have 5 wives and 14 children. Each child produce an average of four children. Each of that four children produce two more. Hong Fei korkor, your turn now.


Then it was time to throw the bouquet. Hahahha, yes, still got such thing. See my Aunty Doreen so ready to catch the bouquet. She was telling my Uncle Yew Pun, “Ok, I cheep(catch, in cantonese).” And Uncle Yew Pun was like, “Ok! I tong!(block, in cantonese)”. Wahahahha.


Look at her!! So cute!! Hahahha….Supposed to be for the unmarried lasses somemore! Give chance!!


-_-;


Hahahahha walk away with it somemore.


ehehhehe..one more time. This time it was for real.


OHMIGOD DAMN EMBARRASSING PHOTO OF ME. Now the whole world knows how desperate I am to get married.


But the flower dropped in front of me and Jacqie….and we stood dumbfounded. Instead of picking it up, the both of started squabbling, “YOURS LAh..take lah!!! Not mine la..yours!!!”


Let’s face the reality. She’s three years older than me…… obviously let her win lor. 🙂


Um, 15 years ago, it was a barbie doll. (Serious! After Mervyn, this is the one person whom I fought alot with as a child. hahahha. )


Uncle Yew Pun was too traumatised about his beloved BMW being decorated with SOFT TOYS.


My hiau cousin and her bf. 🙂


it’s good to be married!


Beautiful sparkles from my new heels!


Back at the groom’s place in USJ for the tea ceremony.


Aunty Jenny drinking the Lai Lai Cha. (Mother in law tea…no lah, no such name. I made it up.)


Aunty Ping lovin’ it! I’m working on forcing her eldest son(who’s the eldest among all the cousins(there are 8 of us, I’m the third youngest).) to get married. He is not getting any younger, dei!


Wah! Even Crackers, the family dog is here to witness the auspicious event.


Then the younger generation has to cham cha(serve tea) for the bride and groom. My simplistic grandmother was like, “HAIYA, ng sai kom ma fan la, shake hand chau tak la,”(Haiya, no need so mafan la. Shake hand can already la!) I think if she was born in this era, she would have opted for a simple marriage registration and then head off for her honeymoon.


Got Ang Pow to take, sure happy. Speaking of which, I left mine at their house. SADDDDD….


The Cousins.
top l-r: Derek, Abby, Jacqueline, Mervyn, Me, Hong Weng, Fiona
bottom l-r: Kwee Fong, Hong Fei

The wedding dinner was held at Palace Of The Golden Horses.


My dad’s reaction when my mother and Aunty Ping told him they ended up in Puchong(when they’ve actually reached the hotel, not knowing where they are, STILL. Women drivers.),


l-r: Me, Cousin Hong Weng, Mum


One of the many many wedding photos that were projected throughout the wedding dinner.


l-r: Dad and part of Uncle Eric, who is the same age(28) as my cousin Hong Fei, but he is my uncle. He doesn’t like me to call him Uncle. Too bad. Uncleuncleuncleuncleuncleuncle.:D


ORGASMIC. *HEART* *HEART* *LOVE* *LOVE* *LOOOOOOVE*


Camwhorin’ around..sorry ah.


L-r: Mervyn The Giant, Derek, Ted, Jacqie, Me, Hong Weng.


l-r: Jacqie, Uncle Yew Pun and Aunty Doreen posing with their very talented brother/son.


See his magic fingers go! He plays the piece, Fantasy Impromptu, with his eyes closed also can.


We found a mirror.


I like the soft colours of this picture..:)


There was a cocktail session outside.


Waiting for the food to be served..l-r: Mervyn and Derek


Me.


Mervyn action.


Jacq and Ted


UNCLE Eric and girlfriend Cherry.


Dad and Aunty Ping were the emcees for the night. The both of them has got a gift for the gab!


Cousin Hong Fei created this short animation…..and Dad and Aunty Ping did the voice overs. So noisy! Click on the video:P


I LOVE THE FLAIR SKIRT. So Disney Princess-ey.


After that, I had to help my mother and Aunty Ping to get into their costume for their chinese opera performance. Here I am playing with their fake long “siu cheh” hair.


I think I look good with alot alot of hair.


Mum in full costume with Kwee Fong.


Aunty Ping and Mum.


The story is about the King who goes into a restaurant..and the lady boss who captured his heart does not believe him. My classmates would know this song as I always sing it in class. LAaAaAaaAaaN HOIiiiiIiiii~~~~~~~….


UNCLE Eric decided to play a game on the couple..


….they had to kiss until everybody finished saying Yam Seng!


About 1/4 of the entire Ho Family.

Ahhh.. now comes the good part. Photos of ME with the roses galore!


The bridal arch(is it what it is called?) had sooo many roses…couldn’t help taking a bouquet worth of it home.


*sniff* *sniff* Twas’ the sweet scent of thy rose that hath captured my heart…bla bli blu bleh bloh. I’m crapping.


l-r: Pimple, Rose, Brother.


Ah hah!! My new friendster photo!!


l-r: Mervyn and Derek pan cute.


Ooooh!!! Hiau por pose!


The expression in this one is far better!


Will you marry me?


Yes I will!


“B-b-but you’re a boy.”.
“Yes…I know.*air liur meleleh*”.


Melancholic expressions and roses look good together!


Got Abby to play with us too! Hehehe.


Okay, last one. Promise!


And then I got greedy..


I didn’t even bother to count! But it sure as hell smelt great! My grandmother was like, “Ngo seng sai mei man kor kom heong ge mui kwai fa!(Never in my life have I smelt such sweet smelling roses!)”. And I was like, “HAhahh.. kong kong mou song kor pei lei meh?(hahaha.. Grandmother never give you before meh?). “Haiya!! Lei ge kong kong tu ng romantic geh! (Haiya! Your grandfather not romantic also).” LOL.


After the dinner, we had to take the clavinova, costumes and other miscealleanous things back to the carpark.


And we lost our way … at 1am in the Palace of The Golden Horses. Bloody huge place…


Lovely view outside though.:) Silly me, I did not take the front of the hotel. God knows, it was quite a spectacular sight!

If Plays Are Your Kinda Thing…

Being a Malaysian, you kind of support your own countrymen for doing the things they do.

Hmmm? Not true?

Maybe that applies to me lah. ‘Cept that I’m never too hot about government stuff. Too sien adi. I used to be very passionate about abolishing national service. I remember back in form5 I’d scan the newspaper every single day and slowly see the national service plan slowly creeping out of it’s shell….coming to life..and I’d shed tears of worry. BUT NATIONAL SERVICE IS FUN!!(though I don’t want to go again). Not as bad as I thought it was. Silly 16 year old me.

I’m digressing.

But I especially support the local theater scene because god knows how many articles and interviews I’ve read about them complaining about how it doesn’t exactly brings in the cash but it is their love for the arts that keeps them going. See how I’ve pimped The Homecoming on my side bar? Don’t know if it’s working or not.

Thespians are people who are in the theatre scene. I’ve just learnt that word from an aspiring thespian, namely, Mr. Reuben Kang, my friend and car-pool-Aunty-when-I-was-9-years-old punya son.

There is an intriguing ensemble of people putting up a play in about three weeks’ time. The Oral Stage is a non-profit theatre company for aspiring young thespian and they’ve got a play called “Rojak!” coming up!

We’ve all seen the success of Hip Hopera by the Society of Performing Arts, Taylor’s College back in 2004.(Of which I was their make up artist.. here’s a link. One more. Oh, and one more. Photos now require special techniques to be viewed. Read my side bar on how to view it).

Heck, even my standard 6 classmate Kyle who played the Ah Beng Derek became quite a celebrity at college because of it. (“If you donno what you saying then you just up, donno don tok! If you donno wat you saying then you don tok cock, donno don tok!”)
So yeah! I have faith in theatre productions by college students. 🙂 I can relate better.

“Rojak!” seems like an interesting blend of skits with a random range of themes.

Besides, how much more Malaysian can you get with a title like “Rojak!”? Aptly described by their blog, “”ROJAK!” is an original blend of shorts and
monologues, tossed with a spoonful of youth and matters close to our hearts.
From happy families, sudden deaths, sinking boats to talking mannequins,
ROJAK! is dark, gooey and pedas as we Malaysians like it. Every serving includes a generous portion of nuts, on the house.”

If you’re not familiar with their works, here’s a good start: Eight: (insert witty tagline here). It was a play they produced last year and interestingly enough it was acted out by an 8-members-cast. Each asking questions like, “What if you stay in KL for too long?” and other pressing questions.

If there is one thing I like more about plays, it would be plays produced by people my own age. But according to Reuben, 40 year old people also can watch. No problem.

I like the way he put it.. “We are students by day, thespians by night.”

Hohohoho.

Apparently they will also do more pimping in the casts’ old secondary schools. Sorta like bullying them into going for their play. Hahaha. So cute. If you think your schools need some young faces to cheer up your boring Monday assemblies rather than those sien salesmen with educational books…drop them a line at their website with an invite lah:)

And best of all, they’ll be performing at Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre!! How cool is that wei?!!? I want to goOOoooOOo!!! Besides, it’s only RM17.
It’ll be on 13th – 16th April. Unfortunately, I have exams. But Reuben heboh and said that if FULL HOUSE, they’ll have an encore performance and then I can attend. YAYY.

Now, Reuben, where’s my free ticket?:P

Of The Bastardest Types Of Men

Men are all bastards. Or so the broken hearted women usually scream.

No no, don’t worry, this has nothing to do with me in recent times. Just stories I’ve heard of other people’s boyfriends or potential boyfriends. I’m sure you have those moments too where you feel like strangling those men even though you don’t know them.

However, let’s not go dropping names because I just want to let you know bastardfying men can be. Their identities are not important.

Let’s see if these stories piss you off:

1. Girl has period cramps. Girl asks boyfriend to go to the shops to buy her some pads. Boy attempts to go to shop. Girl finds boy sitting in a corner at home crying his eyes out. Boy shouts and slaps his head, “I’M OF NO USE!!! I AM SO LOUSY!!! I CAN’T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO BUY YOU A SANITARY PAD!!”….needless to say they didn’t last long.

2. Girl and boy dated for three years over. Boy and girl works part time in shopping complex together but in different shops. Boy falls for little girl who’s 4 years younger. Girl finds out. Girl punches guy.

3. Girl met boy in university. Girl wanted to do dentistry. Boy wanted to marry her. Boy asked her to do a course which would take a shorter time. Girl married boy. Couple of years later, boy has affair and asks girl to leave the house. MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Girl chats happily with friend in class as boy hovers over protectively. Boy feels neglected. Boy scribbles the chinese character for “patience” on the table and slams the table and walks out the class.

5. Girl wears short skirt. Girl was asked by the lecturer to go to the front to do some explanation. Boy gets pissed at girl for the entire day and said that he doesn’t want to see her. Just because her skirt was too short.

6. Boy puts pictures of himself and various girls in his friendster photos. But none of him and his then girlfriend.

7. Boy tells girl that he is falling in love with her. Girl very clever. Girl sent him a love quiz, the type that sends back the details that the recipient keyed in. Girl finds out that boy likes two other girls when asked to list out three girls whom he likes. If that didn’t suck, girl was listed as number three. Fucker.

8. Boy forbids girl to go clubbing. One word is sufficient: Fucktard.

9. Girl goes to another country for studies after going steady with boy for awhile. Boy has dota nickname with girl’s name in it. But boy has another girl hanging with him at the cybercafe almost every other day.

10. Girl has huge crush on boy. Boy thinks unkindly thoughts of the girl. Boy bullies girl. Girl cries. Boy throws 20 cents at her and asks her to buy tissue.

11. Boy and girl not in relationship but goes back to hometown together. Transport to hometown reaches destination very late at night. Girl asks boy where is the nearest LRT station. Boy said he doesn’t know. Boy’s father came to pick him up. Boy says Byebye to girl and leaves girl to walk for more than two kilometres in search of an LRT station at about 10pm all alone. Least boy could’ve done was offer the girl a ride to the nearest station.

What constitutes a bastardious(is that even a word?) man?
A man without an ambition. < ---THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT A man without determination. A man without a backbone. A man who relies on a woman financially. (unless the husband has to be at home to take care of the kids, that's fine. But this will never happen in my life. I'll make sure of that.) A man who allows a woman to pay. A flirtatious taken man. (should really stop giving your girlfriend high bloog pressure). A man who is a serial dater. An interval of anything less than a month and a half and you're officially a bastard. A man who pouts about the absence of sex. Dump him straight away, girls. It is no different from rape. A man who controls his woman. Fuck awayyy... An emotional man. By this I mean men who are sensitive, cries easily and needs to be assured that they are constantly loved. You were born with a dick, not a pussy. And of course, ANY man who lays even a FINGER on his woman, should be rammed over and over again by a big ass lorry. If man is still twitching, just reverse the damn lorry. Repeat until man is motionless. But I have to give credit to men...because it actually took me quite awhile to think about these stories that I've heard. It goes to show that a vast majority of men that I know are quite fine gentlemen. 🙂 All is not lost in the world.

Apparently I Need Make Up So I Don’t Give People Nightmares

“Make up helps…have you tried it? please don’t take your pix without it..innocent people are getting nightmares..” – piggy.

That was a comment on my previous post.

I am sorry I was born ugly.

But what can I do? I don’t have all the time in the monkey’s backside’s world to beautify myself everytime I take out my camera. Besides, most of the photos in the previous entries are of places that does not even require us to dress up, so PRAY TELL..GO mamak also must put make up ar?

Sorry lah, but Jolene Lai is not as pretentious as most of the girls out there. I don’t want to lie to you and say, “See, I have such HUGE eyes.” For fuck’s sake, my eyes no matter how I eyeline also they’ll still be small! SO I LET THEM REMAIN SMALL TOO BAD.

I don’t need to put on make up for every photo I take or photoshop my face just because it won’t SCARE people. Sorry lah! Then later people dig out photos of the real me and put it on the net now? I suppose this is one of the reasons why I am not a madly famous blogger, because I am not pretty enough. Madly famous bloggers are beautiful(and a good number of them are not natural beauties) and you tell me lah, how many times have links of their “without makeup/before plastic surgery” photos been passed around?

SO next time ar people, if you want to link me, just put a picture of me as a link first so that people who read your blog will decide if they want to have nightmares or not before coming over here.

AND OF COURSE I HAVE USED MAKE UP BEFORE, YOU DUMB FUCK. Obviously your first time coming to my blog.

 

Sorry folks.. but comments about my looks has always depressed me. Yes, I may not be the most beautiful girl out there but I sure as hell don’t want to hear it!

I can still remember the first time I found out that I was not beautiful.

When I was 12 years old, I went over to Serene’s house to practice for our Karaoke competition which was held by the choir club. That time ICQ was very in so we turned it on to see who was online.

Alas, that cute Nicholas Chee who is a form2 boy was online. Serene introduced us before and I was chatting with him abit online prior to that. I thought he was kinda cute and once passed by his class and smiled at him.

Then Serene and Nicholas initiated a chat room and started chatting. I was just sitting merrily behind her watching her chat away.

Suddenly he said, “Eh that day ar…that Jolene Lai walk past my class and smiled at me you know,”

I was elated because he mentioned me.

“Then my friends started laughing and said they want to pengsan. She’s SO ugly I want to vomit..!!”

Imagine the crack of my heart when I read that.

Serene quickly typed back, “Er…..she’s sitting right behind me…she very angry now…”

Though I tried to remain expressionless.

Then the reply came, “Oh!! Sorry Jolene!! You very Pretty!! Maybe if you don’t smile, you’ll look fine.”

I remember cycling home with tears running down my cheeks. I remember feeling so scared of Nicholas and his bunch of friends. I’d avoid walking within their radius. I felt ugly for so many months. It was from this experience that I have NEVER been one of the girls who appreciated the ‘bad boy look’.

Oh, don’t worry, there was another case. I had this so-called-online-boyfriend named Benjamin Loh/Low/some-surname-I-can’t-remember. His nickname was moonraider on ICQ and he is a Malacca boy.

We met when my cousin gave me his contact in 1999 and the boy would send me midi files. I was quite touched. He called me and said two sentences and put down the phone and went online again to tell me that he like me very much lalalala bla bla bla bli blu bleh bloh… and it lasted for like FOUR days.

Why ar? Because my cousin showed a picture of me to him and he said I looked like shit.

The end.

I don’t even consider that as a boyfriend lah. Just some bad experience. But to this day, I don’t even know HOW he looks like. Now THAT is unfair. What to do, those were the days without digital camera and webcam. If i wanted to pass him my picture online, I would have needed a scanner(my god, do those things still exist?).

But it’s good also lah, it’s people like these who can stop me from being a perasan girl. At least I have learnt to be a humble and modest person from that experience.


I’m sorry I overreacted, folks. But I really really really hate it when I get comments like this. You want to tell me that my attitude on certain matter is abit incorrect…. fine. I can reason with you. But my day really gets spoilt with comments about the way I look. Like fuck I know I am not gorgeous. But I don’t need to hear it.

I am afterall, a woman.

Oh, saw this quote somewhere before:

“There is so such thing as ugly women, only lazy women.”

I think it was written by some blogger who studies at one of the public universities and was complaining about the clothes the girls in his uni wear. I can’t remember which blogger.