Haih Die La Die La

Like what my MSN nickname says, “Miss Lai, you now know the meaning of infinity. Please pray even though you realize that it’s something you seldom do…”. The desperation is so great. You can see it in my pimples, you can hear it in my voice, you can see it in the way my back tenses up if I’m not studying.(that’s why I’m getting a backache now from this guilt induced muscle tensing)

Here’s what I mean by infinity:


The numbers at the bottom are for calculating how many topics that I would have to cover a day to be done studying before the exams start.


Lazy to explain, but I have my own system. Like symbols for what I should cover in how many days, what to cover by tonight etc.


The book symbols mean read from textbook. T_T


When I do a blue wave over it means can kau tim a day before the exam.


Haih module 4, module 4. T__T. Normally we take about one month to study for one module right…I only have..few days left. Nevermind, the train is chugging along.


Another blue wave at the bottom. Short short notes, them.

I can hardly concentrate when the sun is still up and there are boys playing basketball just metres away from my house. No, not that I’m oggling them. Pfft. Small kids only, what to see. Just like most of my classmates, I only start studying properly when the sun has gone down. Which also means it’ll be after dinner. Which means that a freaking huge chunk of the day is gone. Which means that I’ll have to study throughout the night. And when I say study, we all know that there’s bound to be procrastination on my part.

MSN is evil, by the way. Very evil. You get into an interesting conversation with someone and you’re screwed for the rest of the night. Or if you get into an upsetting conversation, you’re screwed for a few more days.

Which is why, I really really want to stay away from upsetting people or having people to tell me off for things that I know which are my fault. Or get into petty arguments THIS TIME OF THE YEAR.

So this should mean that I can commit all the sins in the world(the type of ‘sins’ that you would expect from me lah) and get away with it because it’s only days before my finals. I’ve even asked for a postponement from someone to tell me off about something that I’ve done.

I cannot let anything thud in my head and infiltrate into my guilty conscience(damn damn the usage of the word infiltrate means I’ve been doing too much of pathology… bruuwerhgghh buerhghghghehrher..< -- vomiting due to stress.) These few days I've heard a few things, said a few things and I worry that it might affect the people that I've come into contact with. Then I start feeling bad about it. Then I feel so guilty. Then i feel so guilty that I even start building further fictional feuds and feel guilty about THAT too. Then I will flap my arms at the side and tell myself, "You're a strong girl, you're a strong girl, you're a strong girl.. at least tryyyyyy........." and then uncontrollable sobbing would follow suit. Honestly, it's THIS tiime and SPM that I've actually cried more than once during my studying period. Note to my dad: Dad, it's okay. I'm feeling all right. I'm upset about things that are not even real. hahah. But I'm feeling better. Don't call me and scold me please for letting things upset me. Coz then I'll feel even worse and can only do one chapter in one day. While studying for SPM, I'd cry for a good 20 minutes everyday before looking at my books, showering, lie in bed and cry for abit more and then study way into the night. Back then, my bed time was 4am and 5am. I was already pretty amazed with myself. and WHO goes to school during SPM season? We even declared our own study weeks(for some it was study months. hahaha) and we'd skip school because we slept very late the night before. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL... nowadays, bed time is 9am for me okay if I have the stamina and will power. Then I will wake up at 2.30pm and have a bowl of rice crispies with sugar and milk because I've skipped lunch and dinner will be in about 3 hours, so what's the point right? Do you know how lonely it is to study into the night? It's like you're the only person left in the world and you only have yourself and the books and the saddest part is that you don't even know when is your bed time. And you will yourself to remember facts upon facts and words that can't even be found in a conventional dictionary. As morning comes around, there will be signs of betrayal to tell you that it's getting REALLY late. Like the Azan prayers in the morning, this will then be followed by the pigeon gurgling on my roof top, then you can hear motorbikes, and then pots clanging after their breakfast. The worst worst worst feeling will be when you hear basketballs bouncing in the playground. It means that it's REALLY REALLY REALLY late. Then you climb into bed at 9am, and you stare at the ceiling. Very hard to fall asleep. Then this afternoon I actually woke up early(read: 12.30pm) and went for lunch with Lie Yuen. But I couldn't even eat the fried chicken and egg and rice and only gingerly lifted each piece of vegetable into my mouth because my stomach was twisting and cramping. It's not period pain since it's already the 5th day or something. Could only means a trip to the toilet right? Yeap, I thought so. It's the type of stomachache I get when I go into the exam room. Usually it's shit lah. But we rushed back home(so kind of Lie Yuen to ta pau for me because I could hardly walk.) Even the kuay teow thng aunty rubbed me on the shoulder and asked me not to sleep(I was closing my eyes due to the pain)... but I merely rolled my eyes. I know I'm damn bad, but I can never understand her as she speaks Hokkien and is too.. wordy at times. Haih, I feel bad towards her. (now the guilt builds up, you see the pattern?) Anyway, back home, in the toilet. There I sat, praying that I don't vomit(I always feel like I would puke anytime soon whenever my stomach hurts really bad.) and hoped that it was just a really big one that needs to come out. But nothing. Instead the pain started from my left abdomen and the cramp squeezes to the right. And then the whole tummy just aches and aches and aches. Sharp pains too, mind you. Hahaha sekali I see a baby plop into the toilet bowl I'll be like, "WTF?!?".... stupidness aside, sweat was collecting at the centre of my face(my head was in between my knees, looking at the floor la, not the toiletbowl la, ew, I'm not a contortionist okay, haha) and it was dripping onto the floor. Forming a puddle. It happens every time I'm in great stomachache. Well, it was productive but the ache was still there. It's not totally relieved but after an hour or two of sleeping, it's better lah and here I am blogging. I just wish for this entire thing to be over soon. My exam starts this Friday and the theory papers end on the 17th. Then it's one week before the Practical exam, and it'll be another five days for the results to be announced. And THEN only I get to come home. So it's one month more of Kedah for me. Anyway, here are some products of procrastination:
In one of my better moods.


A stark reminder to myself to:
1) Get a fringe the moment I get back. I’m so brave to show my forehead to the world.
2) Get eyebrows threaded the moment I step foot on Subang soil.


I look *almost* child-like here. The other day, some fruit aunty asked me if I was going for tuition when she saw me carrying a file. So I was rather pleased because nobody ever mistakes me for a school going kid! Heck, what I usually get is working(used to that already), SOMEONE’S MOTHER(niamaaaaa) .. but luckily nobody called me POpo yet. I kena-ed aunty before though. From my brother’s friend. grrrr.

Wait, maybe she meant that I was a tuition teacher? 🙁 🙁


oh, and I have alot of split ends and kinks in my hair. Not. happy.


This is the ancient chinese warrior proud to serve the King and country look.Wong Seong Man Sui Man Man Sui!~ Or maybe I look more like an ah-ma here with my hair like that? At one angle I did look like a rough ancient chinese warrior.. a male one that is. Not Mulan ok.


This is the semangat Heng Tai warrior face. (Heng tai = brothers.. usually used for very very good friends.. bloodshed and all that dramamamamama). “We will fight together,”.


This is the reluctant prostitute face! If you still cannot get the image out of your head that I’m a MAN ancient chinese warrior, well, then this face can be the ancient chinese warrior pretending to be a chinese prostitute to woo the enemy.


Really wishing this whole ordeal to be over and done with.


Trying to make my hair look like bunny ears.. can only happen with hair spray. However, NOT WORTH THE EFFORT LA JOLENE LAI STUDY LA STUDY STUDY STUDYYy!Y!YY!Y!Y!!Y


Ninja who just heard a lame joke. -__- < -- that kind of face ya.
I look like I was four years old again. (yes, my face already like that when I was four. Ada problem?) I had a bad bob(thanks mum) and I had that perpetual frown when I didn’t understand or get my way.


Legolas.


This huge pimple is completely my fault.


Which is because my fingers kept dragging me to the computer and my chin was used as a balancing point. Haih.

The Very Random End Of Year Two Post

Note: I’ve only just clicked on the Nike Ad below this post. I know, quite stupid right. Put ad on my own blog also never layan myself..:P But i’ve just clicked on it and I quite like the comic strips! Very nicely drawn. 🙂 Reminds me of the big boys who used to play football in the playground when I was a kid sitting on the swings back in the 90s. So proud of Nuffnang.. they’ve reached all the big boys. My eyeballs nearly popped out when I received notification that a FireFly ad was coming up on my blog. What big players will they have on board next? 🙂

I should have written this post on the day of the last class of Year 2. It was no different from all the other days I spent in lectures, early in the morning with a bag of Nescafe ais bungkus in hand, dozing off as the lecturers start to speak. Waking up just in time to scribble some more notes. But don’t worry, I absorb best when I’m studying in my own time. No uncontrollable comatose moments when I’m in my own room in study mode. I’m more of a work-at-home type of person. 😛

Year 2 just whizzed by like that. It was only yesterday that I remember starting year 2, coming back into the course all grateful and happy that once again, I’m blessed with the opportunity to resume my studies. I was so worried about having to repeat year1 because I failed my biochemistry paper.. but that was settled when I passed the resit paper.

Once again my finals are looming. No it’s not even looming, it’s sitting on top of me, oily backside and everything, smothering me. It’s only in like ..slightly more than 10 days’ time. I know, I’m screwed. But definitely not as screwed as my sleeping hours.

I thought things were bad when I only went to bed at 5/6am.

Yesterday was an all time record. I was still studying at 8am. Only went to bed right after that and trying to sleep amidst the sounds of children laughing in school buses, birds chirping and gurgling(the pigeons ya) by my window, mothers washing the pots and pans… so bising. I woke up at 3.30pm though. Haha. I really wanted to skip lunch since it was so near dinner time.
I know this might sound a little strange. Is it weird to like the sound of the morning muslim prayers? The one that they play at 5.45am? Maybe it makes me nostalgic, reminiscing about national service.(I don’t miss the batons hitting on my metal bed frame at 5.30am to “BANGUN, BANGUN!!” though. Just miss those early morning baths and the squatting down at the assembly area where I would sleep for a few more minutes..). It’s just so soothing.. the distant sound of a man’s voice echoing throughout the neighbourhood, bouncing between the walls of corner houses. A loud lone and hollow voice in the morning darkness. It makes me realize that only in Malaysia, that all these races can just live together and have the morning prayers of another faith to be part of our everyday life.

That’s one of the things I look forward to just before my bed time. 🙂 Sun rise, and I’m down.

As I’m typing this, a sudden chorus of happy birthday floats through my window into my room. I think it was a surprise party somewhere down the road. There were no party noises just before this. When the song ended, the group of people cheered and ended with a crescendo.

Yet you accept it. Birthday noises and azan prayers floating through the still of the night. Please read Cecilia Ahern’s latest book A Place Called Here. She ends up in a place where all missing things goes. Not just items, but sounds and scents too. 🙂 That’s how those noises seemed to me. So normal, just floating in.

I wanted to do a little recap about year 2 but the only thing I can properly recall is the many times that we would lament while stopping at the traffic lights back from lunch and wondering why year 2 was going by so fast. We barely had time to breathe. It was exams after exams. Wham, wham, wham. Oh how we slogged.

I wouldn’t rave about how happy I’ve been in year two because it’s not exactly a whole lot of fun. But the feeling of seeing all these dental related things for the first time, the excitement I got when I touched the hand piece for the first time, the ability to discuss about art and science together in one breath….it all happened this year.

If year two can happen this fast… *eyes cast down with bashful smile*, I just can’t wait for the next three years to fly by.

And of course, here are so many photos that I never got to post up in the past few weeks of painful revision:-


For partial dentures, we had to bend wires to make the clasps.

I must say, I was pretty okay with it. Although most of us ended with many wire imprints on our thumbs. Very painful too.

Lie Yuen in full concentration mode.


And that’s where your clasp goes. It would be attached to the base later on!


Sometimes being a dental student is great too. You can even ask the dental technologist lecturer to help you fix your earring.

Here we are, learning how to take impressions from a stone model.

There shouldn’t be a void though!


That’s alginate powder!

And the instruments that you will be using with it.


It’s very kancheong to mix the alginate and the water together because it sets so fast and ends up so solid that you can’t even use it to take an impression anymore.


Just three scoops.

Upon adding 40ml, stir the mixture in a figure of eight motion. We have to do it really fast and must be careful that we do not trap anymore air bubbles into it.

Me and my tak jadi impression. It’s so embarrassing that I didn’t even take a photo of the end product. Horrid torn thing.

Like melted sugus. Mmmm.

This is how Andy tries to stop our car when he wants to tell us something.

One of the last few simulation practicals, we had to try to rebuild an entire cusp. Say for instance in the case of a fractured cusps. As in the whole thing chips off due to an accident.

Smoothing out the surface.

We had to make a hole to insert a pin. This is technique is called amalgam pin retention.

And here’s the pin.. Tough little thing to bend.

My very ugly under filled effort in rebuilding a cusp. There are some lame attempts to carve out some fissures too. :\ Very upsetting.

Next up, a class IV cavity. Like when your kid falls down at the playground, that kind of accident.

I really liked the look of my composite restoration from the back.


The front part is so so, just not that smooth. I LOVE USING THE MYLAR STRIP to smoothen the surface down though while activating with the light cure unit! Mmmmm…. I want to do it again and again and again… *deranged look on face*

That’s a mylar strip around a premolar with a mesial occlusal distal cavity.
The coloured wooden wedge is to adapt the mylar strip to the tooth so that your restoration turns out like how it should.

And here’s the base for the elastomer. Also for impression taking purposes.

The catalyst. Not gonna bother explaining how it works. (actually because haven’t finish studying this chapter..hohoho)

I so need one for my toothpastes. This is another kind of impression material.

You gotta love the colours. Reminds me of my childhood.

Not a booger.

The point is to get a homogeneous mixture.

And then when it’s all nice and teal, get it onto a stock metal impression tray.

It becomes rubbery.

Here you go!

Oh, that’s my finished partial dentures. Well, it’s still in the wax stage. Since we’ve done the whole flasking and packing thing with complete dentures before, we didn’t need to waste anymore time by doing it again for partial dentures.

It’s okay… so-so.

The back of it.

And here are some photos of my new campus!

Beautiful scenic road heading up to the foothills of Gunung Jerai. Which is also where the new campus is located.

Beautiful clouds, swwweeeet architecture.

We’re lovin’ it!

That’s the administration building and the park in the middle. I foresee many Hari Kantin and Hari Keluargas…well at least the university equivalent of it..which can be held at the park. Great big pavements for many many stalls!


See what i’m saying?

Hello, it’s the sun that’s why I’m smiling so weirdly. Also because stressing for exams, long time never practice smiling.

The medical faculty. The side of it.

The inside of the library. Yes, three full floors of library.

Lie Yuen reading a notice outside the big glass doors leading into the main library floor.

A well lit vast space!

They’ve yet to transfer all the books over from the old campus though.

Me, mock shock.

Imagine, studying there with all your books and beautiful surroundings right in front of you with a floor to ceiling window.

Looking down, not believing it.

Again, mock shocking about the existence of a lift in the LIBRARY. We were in the lift by the way!

Looking hopefully at part of the new campus in the distance.

THAT’S RIGHT! WE’VE GOT OUR OWN PLACE TOO!!

Mmmm. I do wish there’ll be a lift inside.

And this is part of the cafeteria.

It’s bigger than it looks.

See, the canteen staff are really hygienic too.

We then drove around to check out the staff’s residential area. These houses would be allocated to senior lecturers.

And the hostels for the rest of the staff!

On Thursday(last week), we had CPR classes in the new campus.

Fuwah, look at how their lab coats flap in the wind.

That’s our juniors waving from a distant. Since they are still doing medicine subjects, they have their classes in the new campus where all the other first year courses facilities are located.

Lie Yuen checking out the big interior.

And this is one of the lecture halls. Apparently there’s a great big auditorium in the administration building. I can’t wait to see that one.

Jamie and Ee Chia waiting for instructions from the lecturer.

That’s Jamie looking for any signs of breathing.

After I finished my turn, I went around snapping photos from the windows. Those are the hostels!

Lie Yuen blows!

Poh Yee pumps.

Sett checks for a pulse, while the Chwan Hong and Jimmy looks on. Can really feel a pulse one okay. These dummies cost RM1.5million because they can even cough, breath, have different heart palpitations…and the list goes on!

Camwhoring while the others in the background finished their turns.

The dummies’ eyes can be dilated if you shine a torch into it.

Jamie and I feeling each other’s pulse.

The dummies are really huge though.

You can even change the setting of the ‘conditions’ of the dummies.

Codes for different conditions.


We even got to have a bit of fun with the stethoscope. Sorry lorh, we’re just mere dental beings.

And yes, it works.

L-r: Jamie, Poh Yee, Tired looking me, Magesh.

My turn. No, I don’t like the looks of myself as a doctor. I look so..pompous and serious.

The back of the building.

The front view from the building, overlooking the hostels and the student centre and cafeteria.

Yes, very shy that I’m photographed with my water bottle.

Lie Yuen and I.

We were walking to the other wing to see some realllly old friends.

More of the landscape.

Yeap, long time no see, old friends.

We didn’t get to see the cadavers though. But apparently there are no cadaver noobies.. still the same ol gang stacked a top each other in the big formalin tanks.

Many many lockers!

And a big and bright anatomy dissection hall!

Here we are on our last day of class! We are always the earliest in class.

Stretching up against a wall at 4am. Studying can do such things to you.

I never seem to realize that pathology AND digestive biscuits don’t go hand in hand. It’s always so disgusting to see all those diseased organs and chomping on something at the same time. Ughh.

This exam is different from my other exams. I procrastinate A LOT less. So, here’s to turning over a new leaf.


Turning..


over…

.. a new leaf!
T______T I really hope I can enjoy a nice holiday before year 3 starts. Which means no having to study my ass off for another bloody resit. Please please please pllllleeeasseee…. *clamps palms together* And also, please let me go to year3!! I DON’T WANT TO REPEAT YEAR 2!!

Alright, that’s all from me for now. For maybe a few days? See lah what happens to me. 🙂

p/s: this is for my own record. Period came today. That’s why I love my blog. It’s like my organizer and diary all rolled into one!

Brain Spasms Of The Nocturnal Girl

It’s the second day of my period and I feel just a slightly bit moody. Forgot to take in the underwear that has been hung out to dry so I have to resort to disposable undies. Which is convenient anyway. But it’s not comfortable as the elastic is only so strong. Thus, walking around in my loose shorts with a pad sitting on a pair of disposables…..isn’t quite the best thing in the world. So yes, feel in the rest of the blanks with your very vivid imagination.(I should have trained all of you rather well by now.)

I haven’t been sleeping early(but since when have I ever?) for the past few days. Going to bed at about 5am.. yes, exams are around the corner. Top it off with my very very bad procrastinating habits and this is what you get.

I’ve actually editted a batch of photos but my brain is like vibrating and spasming from the tiredness I feel. But I told myself that no matter what I must complete just three more pages of my dental plaque notes and then I can retire to bed. But I really wanted to blog just because I haven’t been blogging properly for the past few days as well. I’m just too tired.

I feel my breathing is slightly suppressed.. and I need to raise the muscles around my eyebrows to keep myself from falling asleep. I have no strength to lift up the muscles of my eyelids. I’m shivering abit too. But that’s because the air con was on for the entire day. It’s either damn hot or damn cold here in Kedah. Rainy season too!

I can really feel my brain/head/whatever clenching up, and unclenching, clenching..and then relaxing and then … emptiness.

No coffee tonight, that’s why. 🙁

I KNOW I should go to bed. Just two more pages. TWO.

The vibration is going to the back of my ears and pressure is building up between my eyes. I feel a thudding pressure at the back of my head.. oh god I really need to stop this and go to bed.

I shall put the blame on this website –> http://www.tv-links.co.uk. Go knock yourself out. Lie Yuen and I had a great time watching Charlie and The Chocolate Factory over there.

And for the dental dinner, we’re rethinking Stand By Me. We don’t quite have the stamina to sing it loudly.. and the da da dum people say that they get distracted after awhile and thus ruin the whole song.

So we need a song that oldies and people who do not like worldly songs will like.(Staunch christians.. gotta respect my friends). Nothing about holding you close tonight or kissing you under stars or i need you tonights or even the touch of your fingers etc etc.

We’re thinking Ain’t No Mountain High Enough(I’ve just listened to it …and it’s gonna be quite tough!) or Catch a Falling Star! We considered Seasons In The Sun before… but yawn yawn.

And as a joke, we wanted to do The Lion Sleeps Tonight. I like the Ah Weeeee part. haha.

Suggestions please!