As the meme proposal played in the background at Tim and Aud’s wedding, my high school buddy Marcus turned to Chee Kiang and said, “This Tim ar, spoil market for all of us man! After this, girls want a better and bigger proposalÂ and must have video lah, must be viral lah, must have pictures lah! I think I need to have like a video camera strapped to my forehead to record every moment already to top that!” Though amusingly frustrated, he said it in such a good natured way that it just sums up the playful prodding that goes on between couples in long term relationships. In their mid to late twenties I might add. Ahem. Don’t lie. You and I, we are one of those couples.
The gorgeous deco at Tim and Aud’s wedding.
Observing the way Marcus lovingly, indirectly teased his girlfriend Stacy with the above statement, it resonates in so many of us long term couples who are constantly being mindfucked by all these awesome proposals and facebook announcements complete with blings. We can’t help but wonder for ourselves the lure of this last stage of the game before we settle down to become a proper family.
To a certain extend it is peer pressure, but mostly it is a reminder that your time is coming, for both the girl and the guy. You know it’s coming but you continue the pretense of not expecting and not thinking. Though I am guilty of shaking his shoulders screeching, “WHEEeeennnn my TurnnnnnnnnN!!!!” whenever a new facebook engagement announcement pops up. *shy*
Traditionally, there are certain things that girls will expect their guys to do for them. A proposal that comes with a ring. A grand declaration of love. So many girls out there like to claim that they are not like the next girl but deep down we all are. We might break a little at the thought of the amount spent on a piece of jewelry but we bite our lips and close our eyes and just be thankful that there is actually someone in this world who thinks you are worthy of a diamond ring.
A close friend was so practical that she even went ring shopping for her own engagement ring! She gave the ring back to her boyfriend and told him to surprise her when he felt like the time was right. “And when he did…..it was magical.” she gushed. The two of them are proof that you can make it special even if you know it is coming.
I’ve always had this impression that if you talk about it, think about it, nag about it or even lust after it, a marriage proposal might come off as being fake, a little too staged in fact. It’s probably one of the most awkward times in your life…even more so when you have been with this person for SO long! It is inevitable. But to think about when that moment would come, why should it even come? Don’t you already know the answer? Why do you even have to ask?! Get up! Get up!! Shy only!!
Often times the girls are made to look like we desperately want to get hitched and the guys running for their lives at the mere whiff of marriage plans. I initially got stuck writing this blog post. I was out of it for so long that I just didn’t know if what I wrote would ever make sense like how it once did. I told Chee Kiang to go to bed first because I *think* I might want to write something.
“Blog?!?” his eyes wide opened. I haven’t touched my blog for over six months.
“NO. It can be anything. A facebook note.. an article for a website somewhere … something.. YOU GO TO SLEEP LA. Don’t kepo.” I paiseh-ed, shy because I always told him that I’m so done with writing here. But sometimes when the inspiration to sit down and tap away at the keyboard hits you, I find myself back here.
He said he woke up this morning, turned on his iPad and found nothing on my blog. “You said you wanted to write one! About what leh! Tell!”
I didn’t want to tell him because it sounded silly but I slowly let him in on it and surprisingly he had his two cents too. He acknowledges that guys are bombarded by peer pressure and have a one step back approach when it comes to proposals, weddings and the whole shebang. Girls are always already knee deep in wedding preparation before the guy has even proposed. (You should see my pinterest boards. .____________. Not proud of it, but the wedding ideas are so pretty!!)
He believes that a proposal can be genuine and special even though the couple has been together for a very long time and are living together. I mean, that was my question to him, like wouldn’t it be weird for couples like us? You are practically family and on some days, squabbling like brother and sister because of the close proximity. It does seem like an entire show and dance that you know you don’t really need to act out and that it should just be about the two of you. But with a dash of guilt thrown in, you know that you want it to be the most unique one that will be the game changer. The next benchmark!
A super sweet proposal that would make anyone tear is every girl’s dream. We love creativity and effort. It’s the same concept as the one we wanted you to apply when it was your turn to surprise us with sweet homemade valentine’s day gifts when we first started dating. Make it something unique, something us.
And lastly, don’t forget to get it down on video.